Arthur, my 15-year-old son, has autism and getting out the house for community outings can be a complex, demanding, stressful and unpredictable journey for both of us.
Last year, on a gray December Saturday, Arthur and I were flopping around the house in our pajamas. The day wore on and we were feeling restless and confined. Arthur started to pace and gallop.
A clumsy giraffe in my small kitchen. His way of saying, “not one more minute under this roof.”
I remember this day because months before this, we had some very rough moments in public. The kind of day when we both return home traumatized. Tantrums in parking lots, meltdowns in bowling alley, aggression in Safeway, bolting in the museum, the sound of breaking glass in the gift shop, nibbling others’ French fries in the food court and sniffing strangers in the elevator. Keeping him safe, apologizing to others when necessary, and helping Arthur to understand the rules of social navigation was overwhelming. I started to wonder if we’d never leave the house—even if it meant terminal cabin fever.
On that chilly December day, I made a pact with Arthur. We were going to spend the next year getting the heck out of the house. I knew it would not be easy and I hoped it would be worth it.
Research backs the belief that getting your child with autism out of the house as a teenager (even minimal community participation) greatly increases his or her success in the community as an adult. (Myers E, Kobayashi A, Stobbe G, et al. Longitudinal measures of community and social participation in young adults with autism.)
Arthur has a lifetime of community involvement ahead of him so out we went.
And here are the photos to prove it.
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- Reviewing map, Seattle Sculpture Garden
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- Just resting at Seattle Center, Armory
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- Space Needle on a rainy day
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- Art appreciation at Wing Luke Museum, International District
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- King of the geometric shapes, Jefferson Park on Beacon Hill
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- Playing with light at Shilshole Bay, Ballard
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- Snuggled into the Black Sun sculpture, by Isamu Noguchi at Volunteer Park on Capital Hill.
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- More art appreciation at Frye Art Museum, a free museum on First hill in Seattle
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- Our favorite wading pool at Seattle Center near the San Juan Rooms
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- Arthur and his friend the Storyteller at the Leavenworth city hall and public library
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- Conquering the boots in Oxbow Park, Georgetown
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- Playing some pinball at Flip Flip, Ding Ding in Georgetown
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- Taking a much needed break at Sculpture Garden in Seattle on a crisp fall day.
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- Pondering the zebra sticking out of the wall at Bainbridge Island Museum of Art, another amazing free museum
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- Ferry ride to Bainbridge Island
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- Both of us taking a break at a bookstore.
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- Don’t let the face fool you. He loved running around the U.S.S Turner Joy historic navy ship in Bremerton.
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- A refreshing dip in Lake Washington Seward Park’s public swim area
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- Scaring his mother at Rattlesnake ledge. Great 4.0 mile hike to this vista.
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- Again, scaring the mom. And making her laugh.
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- Spinning at one of Seattle’s many playgrounds.
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- Bart Simpson and his therapist and buddy, Kyle.
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- Scarecrow and Arthur at Seattle Children’s Play Garden, a truly welcoming place where children with special needs can play along side their typically developing friends.
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- A peaceful moment with beach rocks and sand in Vaughn WA, Easterseals Camp Stand by Me Family Weekend.
Community outings work best for Arthur when:
- He has a say in where we were going. I gave him three favored choices—and let him check the one place he wanted to go that day. It took several months to build up a list of preferred places!
- He has a sense of how long we will be there and what is coming next.
- He has many opportunities for breaks, food, drink, and restroom stops.
- We pack a hooded jacket (to block out the world if necessary).
- He wears an ID bracelet or shoe tag that indicates Arthur has limited verbal ability and lists our cell numbers.
- We keep the trip short and sweet.
- We avoid lines and crowded times.
- I carry a backpack filled with the following important items:
-Noise-cancelling headphones.
-Highly preferred item such as silly putty, gum, or candy to serve as distraction or reward.
-Laminated wallet cards that explain Arthur has autism for those times when I do not have the opportunity or energy to explain upsetting behaviors to strangers who may have questions or concerns.
Disclaimer: Not all outings were filled with adventure, peace and fun. We have had our share of abandoned attempts and hot tears in the car ride home. I learned to admit defeat for the both of us and try again later. The world can be a loud, unpredictable and baffling place for Arthur. Regardless of the outcome of our Saturday adventures, I was so proud of him for simply trying.
I loved your article about Saturdays with Arthur. I have 3 boys. My olders with Aspergers, my middle with high functioning autism and my youngest who is typically developing. I can relate and felt sad and comforted by your story. It is our reality every day. My boys give me the greatest joys of my life and my biggest heartbreak. I am on 24 – 7 trying to balance life for each of them and it is a juggling act to say the least:). I thank God everyday for giving me a resourceful mind to accommodate my boys needs. We have Saturdays out too, I let each family member choose and outing and then we research what to expect, how long we are going to be out, what could go wrong and what could be great!! By the time we get home and reflect on our outing we are all exhausted and I try to pick out the moments of happiness and focus on those and make those a success for the boys. Thank you for sharing your story, I loved your pictures of your adventures. It inspired me:).
I sure appreciate how you’ve condensed so much effort (and so many right and wrong turns, I”m sure) here. May I make a request to the blog editors? These photos are amazing and need a better presentation. Could you integrate a slide show so we can see them more fluidly? I’m not nitpicking; I just think they’re gorgeous as a collection and they speak volumes about Arthur’s aesthetic sensibilities, as well as the photographer’s sensibilities. Thanks, all, for these words and images. Keep up the goodness. -TM
Thank you very much for your suggestion about a slideshow. I will pass this on to our web team as a request for our next gallery posting. At this time a slideshow is not an option for our blog.