Critical Thoughts and Self-compassion
Insecurity often underlies critical thoughts and in our achievement-oriented world, it’s easy to feel as if we don’t measure up. If a core belief at the heart of critical thoughts is that we are “not good enough”, it could be that we’re using an unrealistic measure of our worth. If in our mind’s eye, we associate perfection with what we “should be” then we set ourselves up for disappointment. It’s fine to have goals and ambitions but we shouldn’t make self-acceptance dependent on them. Read full post »
Think Before You . . . Speak, Text, Email, Tweet
Seems today the old saying “think before you speak” needs updating to include reply all, text, tweet, etc. It’s so easy to fire off words without giving them much forethought. Another old adage, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it” also seems to have gone by the wayside (which I think is an idiom).
We now have the ability to deliver lightning-fast replies and feel a sense of accomplishment when we get those pesky emails and texts out of the way. Do you ever go back and read what you’ve sent? Ever catch a typo (thanks, autocorrect) or realize that your quick words might not have captured what you intended to say or might be confusing. Ever get a reply text that only says, “?” meaning, “I have no idea what you’re talking about”.
With in-person conversations, do you ever feel a need to fill a pause rather than let the silence be? May be that at times, working in a service profession as we do, we feel uncomfortable with the quiet, Read full post »
Self Limiting Thoughts…
These are those pesky thoughts that tell us what we can’t do, how we don’t measure up, what’s wrong with us. If we could purge our brains of these thoughts, we’d all feel so much better. Short of that, we can practice self-compassion and accept that we’re all perfectly imperfect . . . or imperfectly perfect. Take your pick!
- Make a list of your top three self-limiting beliefs/recurring thoughts. For example:” I’ll never
be . . .” or “I can’t ever . . .”, “I’m such a . . .”
- Pay attention to them as they arise during the week.
- Try and identify the emotion associated with each. For example, anger, sadness, guilt, shame
- Get in touch with where you feel it in your body. Head? Stomach? Heart?
- Ask yourself what you need right then, right there
- Place your hand on this part of your body and wish yourself whatever you need. For example forgiveness, peace, acceptance, love, kindness.
Quote of the week
“I never beat myself up gently.”
- Illustration by Leigh Rubes
Let’s admit it. Most of us have held a grudge in our life time… perhaps we are even still holding one. Why? It may be that we feel wronged by someone and think that by harboring feelings of resentment, we make him/her feel pain equal to ours. Holding a grudge may also serve a protective function, as a reminder of someone with whom we’d best maintain boundaries. It’s also possible that if we truly thought it over, we might not come up with a good reason for holding a grudge; it’s simply a remnant from a previously unresolved emotional issue.
In one episode of Northern Exposure, Chris accidentally runs over a dog and seeks out its owner. He apologies to her, falls in love with her, and then proceeds to kill her parakeet. The ending is fuzzy to me Read full post »
Today we offer some thoughts on the tendency to be critical of self and others, something that can become a habit that’s hard to break. Becoming aware of this tendency is the first step to changing it.
Becoming less critical of self and others
How often does an automatic critical thought about ourselves and others pop up in our minds?
(“I’m so . . .” “She always . . .”) Read full post »